I am feeling the need to write about my experience  recently  and where do I/ We go from here?    

I do not have answers.    I will start with last night.     It was thursday night, a gorgeous day and I came home feeling so down.   
I  was paralyzed with feelings of boredom, sadness, hopelessness.       I was restless and Kelly gave me a back rub so i could fall asleep.  i  painted the ugliest watercolor i have every painted lol.    I thought I have  felt this way, but it is not often.   The weight of the world overwhelmed me.     

I went to bed asking Kelly to help me wake up for 6 am yoga.     He did and I did.     It is highly unsual but I had to   force myself through yoga.    And it was. a great class but the whole time my mind was saying " it is only an hour, you can do this and the entire time i was waiting for the end.    That is not typical.       And I was glad I went. 

I then went to work ready to get through the day to Friday afternoon.   I have been thinking that I am burned out on working .   

But i started my day and the give and take and human interaction and feeling the ability to concisely listen and offer and help and be appreciated that i experienced today was profound.   I feel like every patient I saw was a give and take that we both benefited from.    I totally wanted the day to get over so that I could have a free weekend but i was a remarkably great day.  

My cup was filled not emptied.    At home on this gorgeous April evening  that feels like summer... Kelly sealed the exterior of the garden beds and i filled 1/2 a bed with soil.   That is some oblique work!     I am so excited to plant and just be in my own personal palace for the weekend.   

It is interesting to me how what i am experiencing is a roller coaster .     I feel like we have to find the things that fill our cup.  By the way . Love on the spectrum on netflix has been filling my cup a bit.    

It is a fight on every level.    It is nice to  get glimpses of what really matters.   it is important to tend to our grief and our joy.  What a hard thing to do.     

  I suspect that in the next two weeks or so the pantings may take a little bit of a back seat to the planting of the dahlias.     but please stay tuned.    thoughts on your experiences?

It has been a very long time since i sent out a blog.  I have been considering giving up my website.    It is so out of date but i love it and getting it up to date with all the new paintings that have never been placed is daunting.    

i was going to let it go but then was inspired to write this blog post.    My blog is 11 years old and many years was monthly.   i do not want to lose that.   suggestions?  

xo

​stacia

I am really feeling the need to write about recent chain of events.  I will never be able to touch on the magnificence fully.

it has been alot.    We own a home in St Pete , Florida.   After Helene destroyed Western North Carolina (and much of our town St Pete )  where  my 88 yr old mother lives  and we were disconnected for several days we felt relief that she was safe and and against our recommendation she found her way out of there to safe haven with my sister Julie.  She is now safe and sound back home in asheville.  

Then came Milton headed for St Petersburg, Fla where Hannah lives and we own a home.   Hannah has lived there now for 10 years and has never felt threatened by a storm but his time she said i think it would be best to leave,   She was not in a mandatory evacuation zone but she felt threatened and decided it was best to round up her animals and go.   

All the pet friendly hotels were sold out far and wide but we found a room in Perry, Georgia that was available and we figured 3 nights.  She would have safe haven.   

 The night she arrived she started to vomit and she told me the next morning i cannot keep anything down.   I told her , just focus on hydration.  She got gatorade , pedialyte, water, ginger ale and ate nothing. Each day she said i think i am getting better but it was not convincing.     Each day she said I am not ready to drive home , i need one more night.  Even after power was restored in her home she is saying i need one more night in the hotel.  that just did not make sense . 

It has now been 5 full days and she has had nothing to eat and has become progressively weaker.   I finally told her i was going to call 911 to the hotel as she did not feel safe to drive or to uber.   She did not protest which is telling.   They took her to the Perry Hospital.  Her potassium level was critically low.    She has to be admitted to the hospital and i am thousands of miles away.   

If you know my daugher Hannah, she would NEVER leave her animals in a hotel in Perry Georgia and go the the hospital especially by ambulance.  It shows me how sick she is.  

The kindness of the front desk of the hotel...  they are going to be sure Fiona her little Pomeranian is taken out of the hotel room and they will make sure she has food and water.   Humanity remains..    I told Hannah that the hotel was going to do this and she said Thank you. 

The story goes on and on for her good friend, Winnie  and  Hannah's neighbor , Dan,  that we barely know in St Pete.   they  have been tending to our house that had minor flooding,   They did not have to but they have protected our home in St Pete by shop vac'ing it. going to home depot and buying a dehumidifier and two fans for the house and then going over several times to empty the dehumidifier.    People caring for other people because it is the right thing to do.   

What a crazy week.    We do need each other.    we just do.   I am profoundly touched and hope to hear that Hannah is much better in the morning. if not I will be on the next plane out.   

xo
stacia

inspired by Call the midwife.   season 8 episode 2.    

The quarrel is not between ourselves....
It is within us.   The quarrel is between one's own desires and that which is demanded.    

The quarrel is between the body and it's longings, the soul and its terrors.  And the mind yearning to be free.

The quarrel defines us.  It drives us forward, upwards and to our knees in prayer.     

You must embrace the quarrel. 

The quarrel will lead us to the the answer.    It is everything we are.     

Just thought i would share this .  It feels relevant.   The painting is available and is 18 x 24.   I also have 4 giclee prints available.       

xo. 
​Stacia

 When you own a home in St Pete and you get there  twice a year, there is always maintenance to be done.   We have been cleaning and repairing.    Today we replaced a kitchen faucet, a garbage disposal , and a toilet.     We bought the house in 2019 and some things are just outdated. 

  I always hear that plumbers are impossible to come by.   We have had great luck with a local plumbing company.     

Today Richard came to save us from our plumbing disaster.      He was a 63 year old guy.   Nice guy and honest and a decent plumber.   .  He and Kelly worked together and laughed,    Before long the backed up toilet and the backed up dishwasher and the low pressure in the kitchen sink was cleared.     Such a good feeling.  

He sat at our dining table to write out and pay the bill.    While sitting he started to talk about his 6 ft 3 in son who weighs 230 lbs and is a drag queen.  WHAT???  You could tell that he was  "embarrassed to speak it out-loud".  

  He did not know this until he and his wife  recently went  to his recent performance. His wife did his makeup and cheered him on while he sat in the audience with his daughter waiting for the show to start.     In the middle of the concert, his son announced to his dad that he was HIV positive but that he is on medication that is keeping him well.   Richard was blind sighted and the spot light was on him.   He shared that his son was not as naturally talented or professional as the other performers but he had a sense of humor that was undeniable.   He also said( as he choked back tears) that his son was just chosen as "Miss congeniality"  in the pride celebration ".   He beamed speaking of how funny and personable his son is.  

  He said to us  " i need to love my son".   I said to him in response with tears in my eyes " Yes you do!".    We literally shared tears of I hear you and I feel you.   It was crazy.       You could see that this is a struggle for him. but the softness in his heart was a beautiful thing to witness .  A random plumber from Florida.    I said it must be difficult especially being in Florida .  

You could tell that there is a piece of his heart that is broken as that is not what he envisioned.   But it was beautiful to see his willingness to consider and realize that his duty was to find  unconditional love.    What i assume to be a conservative Florida plumber seeking to love unconditionally and break down the barriers .  This gives me hope.   As i work to look at my judgements 

This touched my heart.  It was a random interaction that was remarkable. .  i love what happened .   I am ending my evening feeling the magic of it.  The weird  sacredness of what happened between us and the plumber. 

​

  2022,  What a wild ride it has been.     Welcoming in 2023 with hopes of creating a lot more art.  We ended the year with a small fire out side in the backyard,     Listening to far off fireworks and the silence of the night.  It was a very intentional evening. I also completed my last painting of 2022.   One of the exciting things about 2022 for me was i sold my first international painting.  It resides in Granada Spain!   i learned never to use USPS for international sales.     It did make it eventually unscathed!

This blog has been active now since April of 2014.   That is nearly 8 years.    So crazy how the time goes.   As i begin a new year i renew my intention that is stated on my website.   I hope to spark joy, to elevate and to cause a pause and a ponder.   My desire is that my viewer will hesitate, question and feel touched in a tangible  way.  

As always I am grateful for the support shown in all of its many forms.  Wishing you all a healthy, happy and peaceful 2023.  May we recognize the blessings, accept the shortcomings and feel the love

xo
​Stacia

i have been returning to the studio and have been feeling great about it.   i am in an abstract mood and am planning an abstract series and this is the first in that series and it sold very quickly.  I love the rich color palate with an autumn essence,  My favorite season of the year and it has been a beautiful fall this year in Colorado. 

My blog has been a work in progress since 2014!  That amazes me.   I love how it is a collection of my thoughts over quite a long time.   Getting back to my blog . 

I tested positive for COVID today for the first time.   

Stay tuned for new work and new inspirations.  If you want to receive my blog posts you can sign up on my website email list at  staciabaker.com.

I am grateful for you support and for appreciating my paintings .  xo
​ 
​ #staciaspaintingstruthbetold #staciaspaintings

​My last blog post was 04/2022.   That is not that long ago. I was just revisiting my blog and I have to say although I have been slacking at it of late,  I am totally impressed!    I have published almost 50 blog posts between April 2014 and now ( it is crazy that is over 9 years!  )

   I think i would like to put it into a book.    Just random thoughts but nevertheless a collection of thoughts and art.   

I would like to continue my blog.     So here we have a start .   Thinking about rainbow sherbet and rubber tires.    Who suggested that name for a painting that I did.?  I am trying to find a copy of it but today rainbow sherbet and rubber tires underlies this painting .    I love the power of transformation .    

We are upon the seasonal change.  Summer is beginning to wane but is clinging tight which is welcome.    

It is time to go home to Maine for two weeks!  I am beyond ready.    

Hello all!

It has been several months since my last blog post and I have not been nearly as regular with my blog in the last couple of years but today deserves an announcement!

I had my first international painting sale today.   This painting titled Mercy Me is 36 x 48 inches and was SO MUCH FUN to paint!

She is on the way to Granada Spain.  Honestly if only i could have personally delivered it .

I have been painting now for 10 years.    As many of you know, I started while going through chemotherapy for breast cancer. Painting is the best thing that came out of that messed up time.     I am so in love with painting and love connecting with others by way of my artwork.   

I appreciate all the support that ya'll have offered me.    

Spring is springing here in Western Colorado and it is a welcome transition.   
​ Covid has taken a back seat to sad stories coming from Ukraine and across our Southern border.   i am not sure what the answer is to any of it but my task will be to send more beauty out into the universe in any way that i can

Hoping that you personally are also enjoying the breaking spring.   

love you, 
​Stacia

--When I can be the witness, all manner of miracles occur-- old wounds heal, the past reveals itself to be released, present dramas play themselves out without sinking emotional talons into my soft skin.     

The witness welcomes truth and dares to meet reality on its own terms.     It is the ground in which the seeds of transformation take root and finally flower.   

When the witness is awake, the lake of mind is still, and in that mirrored surface, I see my own true face.

                                                                                            Danna Faulds

  
t has been 7 months since my last blog post.   In the past i  had a very regular monthly post and perhaps that may come again but for now it is when the feeling strikes.  I love that i have the register of those posts from April 2014-today!!!!

 I just had the best month of sales ever !   OCTOBER.    I sold 5 paintings in one month and several were very large paintings. 

  That makes my heart so happy .  I have recently bought several new canvases and some new paint.   With regards to paint, i have been on a mission for the last year to use up old paint and i have limited myself in terms of buying new materials.    I am in a mood to declutter in general. 

That being said, i am ready to go on a major paint shopping spree soon. !!!    My hope is to get into my studio a lot in the next couple of months .  It is hard to believe the holidays are almost upon us but for us the holidays are pretty simple considering. 

Kelly and I have been busy working with a consultant from Denver who is helping us with a multidisciplinary approach to planning for the future for Lucas.    Navigating the "system" and all of its intricacies is complex but essential i am learning.   We are in the process of putting together a team of people.   An attorney, a financial planner well versed in the planning in the setting of disability , a disability advisor ( from a mother's perspective ) and  people who care about Lucas,    

It is daunting and overwhelming and feels like a college course!!!  So that is where i am putting a ton of energy at the moment.   We have a pile of assignments.    Overall , i am confident we are taking the right steps while at the same time it pulls on my heart so deeply.   It is very hard!

This week i revisited a couple of my first paintings on FB.   i took my Be Brave , Be Bold painting which is definitely a classic painting for me as it was possibly my first.  i digitally randomly edited it and loved how it came out.  It is kind of crazy/spacy/out there but.......I will share it here.  

I am so amazed by the fall that has gone on for forever.... My favorite time of year.   There is a feeling of winter on the doorstep.  I hope that you all are healthy and as always thank you for your support.

May we all Be Brave and Be Bold .   

xo Stacia