If you know me you know that i do not like to complain.  

For the last year we have been getting a taste of the system that we face for Lucas as he transitions into adulthood.  We have spent hours in meetings identifying his needs and how the system can help us.   Lucas will be finishing high school in 4 months. The greatest freedom Kelly and i have gotten in the last 10 years is when Keenan came here to Colorado a couple of years ago.  

Keenan had 10 years of a very unstable life.  It was hard for our family .   But he adores and has always adored his brother Lucas and he is now present and stable.  

In the last year or so, Kelly and I have had more getaways then we have in the 20 years that Lucas has been alive.  We got to spend our 30th anniversary in Italy because Keenan stayed with him for two weeks.   We have been able to go to Mexico for a week.  We have taken countless weekends to the front range to see friends, or to the mountains or to Utah or various other places where we could just kick back .  We come home to Lucas well cared for, happy and our cups full

Keenan has a history.   His has a background.  But he is the best brother Lucas will ever have. Keenan has given us a freedom that is invaluable.   We want him to get paid.  yes , we could pay him but the state has money set aside for Lucas.  For the last year or so we have tried to access that money.    It takes meetings, many unanswered emails and voicemails.  Staff turns over and so you have to start over.  He has funding but there is noone to provide the service.  We have had people signed up who don't show up and come to find out they called that day and quit their job.  

 So we decided to have Keenan apply so that he can get paid when he is covering for "us" as it should be.  He is working so he is not looking to be Lucas's caretaker but we hoped he could get reimbursed when he covers when Kelly and I go away. Respite, right?  

He has spent the last three months trying to apply.  No phone calls returned.  Finally a foot in the door.  He started the training process and come to find out that there is something on his background check that makes him incapable of being hired.   He is our number one choice to care for his brother but the agency can not hire him.  It is truly a broken system.  And so the funds that the state designates for Lucas will go to someone who really does not care for him the way his brother would.  I think as Lucas's parents we should be able to decide whether we trust Keenan to do the work .  

The system is just broken in my mind.  I am tired of trying to play it.   It brings me back to my alternative ideas.  Time to think outside the box.  Again it brings me to my idea of moving to Mexico.  

Feeling frustrated but in the long run,  Lucas is happiest at home with us and we will make it work one way or the other

Longing for the perfect world... I am sure i will be longing for a while but i do believe that there is a better way than this.    

And to keep it all in perspective.  I feel sorrow and am praying for the people in Houston.  I am also reminded of the amazingness of the human community spirit in stories that I hear and see.  

My heart goes out especially strongly to my dear friend Randi Patel and her family ... xoxoxo  .  I hope you are comfortable and that your needs are met.  

I love to come and i love to go .   Yes it is true.  I cannot wait to leave my home and to go on an adventure that takes me away from my everyday life.   As i have said before, I am really and truly a gypsy.  

I love my home.  The fact that I love to leave does not take away from how much i love it.   This weekend we went to Crested Butte Colorado for the wedding of our dear friends Jessica and Charlie.   It was sooooo amazing.  I mean first it is in Crested Butte which if you don't know it is is stunning!
   
There is something about 7000-9000 feet Colorado in the summer and fall that is crazy amazing. Combine that with good people who love life and love each other and you have an amazing time.  Meeting their family was so fun.   They came from Oklahoma and Connecticut.  Wild fun and totally crazy bunch of family loving people.  

It has been 5 years since I completed breast cancer treatment .

 For me hitting the five mark has been a big goal.  I am there and i feel amazing.   When i was starting treatment, one of my dearest friends, Kim Curless told me about a national organization called Casting For Recovery.   It is a program that you have to know about.   Breast cancer survivors of all stages get to go to amazingly beautiful places in this country to fly fish with people who are divine.  It is fun.  It is healing.  If you have a loved one with breast cancer please tell them.  

After Kim told me about it I decided to go.  I went on a trip  here in Colorado.  I met amazing women.   women who had something in common with me.   There was a woman named Julie.  She was very young.  Like 30.  She had young children and we completely connected.  I am sorry to say that today Julie has passed.  She left a trail of amazingness . I met Peggy who now is the national leader of this organization for 18 states and got to totally get down with her last night at the wedding.  yes!

Jessica was a fly fishing guide and she was also a medical student.  We met the first night and hit it off!   The next day I found out that she picked me !  She was going to be my own personal guide.  She is a crazy lady fly fisherwoman!  Not to mention she is so smart, compassionate, loving and funny and adventurous.    We took off in the morning.  She taught me to fish.  She cheered me on about how natural i was as a fisherman, haha!  She celebrated with me,  cried with me,  shared with me her personal challenges.  She went on to graduate from medical school and is now an intern.   She helped me to heal from breast cancer and I supported her journey to be a doctor.   She is going to be totally amazing at it.  She will be a lifelong friend of mine.  I adore her

This weekend in Crested Butte we celebrated life, love , fly fishing memories and the gorgeousness that is Crested Butte.  I met her family and I saw the love that is palpable between Charlie and Jessica.  It was a joy to be at her wedding.   

Kelly and I now both have ebikes and we Love them!  we were able to ride all over the place in crested butte!

Today as we headed home my cup is full.  As i unpack my bags and replenish my bathroom supplies, do my laundry, cook dinner, and make homemade tollhouse cookies with Keenan for Hannah who's birthday is just around the corner, I realize ... I love to leave. and i love to come home.    Life is good.  It is despite it all

I am going to take a moment to discuss something that you might perceive as "political".

A dear friend posted something about how the media is full of double standards.   I am certain that is true.   I of course took a deep breathe because we tend to think differently.  The truth is that i don't think we think that differently but I think we listen to different media/perspectives.    It has certainly created a crevice in our friendship but not one that would break our love for each other.  This post led into a conversation of what seemed like babble.    comments that were bold but very general and you could not make sense out of what the person was really talking about. 

Several years ago , during the time leading up to the election, there was an acquaintance of mine that is very knowledgeable but felt very opinionated and somewhat inflexible.  I ended up deciding to unfollow her.  It just felt icky.  Well today she joined the conversation on my friends post.   My assumption was immediately here we go.  But I recognized her educated and somewhat objective, non partisan opinion.  

I decided instead of continuing this line of facebook input that i would reach out to her privately.  She had made a comment that said this...

" I don't think religion should be imposed on citizens. But I also don't think policies should be imposed on religious citizens when they are able to demonstrate a history of devout belief and practice.".

 I thought to myself,     i agree with you but could you be more specific?  

this is how she responded...



  Her:  What comes to mind as an example is the small mom and pop businesses who have come under fire for not making wedding cake for gay weddings based on religious convictions or small apartment building owners who choose not to rent to openly gay couples based on religious convictions.

While I am pro gay, I think that there needs to be some understanding and respect for small business owners to make decisions based on their religious beliefs and I think they should be required to be able to substantiate said belief in some way
there is an argument to be made that when you enter the marketplace on a larger scale, that you surrender that ability to apply your religious convictions


Me:  Oh yes . I've heard about that and agree they should not be forced . Who the hell cares about that?  . It's so stupid !! Why would you want someone to make your wedding cake when they don't support you
Agreed



Me:  It helps me to have specific examples so I understand . Thank you

Her: so while the law may not specifically disallow small business owners from this practice, it also does not protects them from costly lawsuits
thanks for asking


Me: And I am positive that of  all the gays the vast majority would never sue . The small minority have to ruin it for everyone so often . It is through real conversation we realize we agree on much more than we disagree  I hope you and your family are well

Her:  I agree. I think that if we could just get to a place of dialogue, there is much that the majority agrees with or could be comfortable with if we would just stop surrendering our power to special interest groups on both sides

I hope you guys are doing well too! Cannot get over art work.
Just phenomenal!


Tonight i had a conversation with someone I ASSUMED thought very differently from me.  There were tidbits that were left out in the interest of keeping this short enough.  But i felt connected with my friend who "thinks differently".   does she?  do we know or do we assume what people are thinking.  I feel it is so important to speak specifically about what we believe.  General vague comments ( would you call that a platitude Mom?)  do not work.   We all need to be critical thinkers,  We need to listen to both sides.  

The extremists on both sides ruin it for us all whether it be american, muslim, mormon, christian, black, jew. white...  We can not allow these extremists to divide us as americans.   


WE CANNOT GENERALIZE  and i feel we all need to really listen and we need conversation.   

I pray and hope we can begin to heal this huge divide and realize that most of this does not represent us whether we are republican or democrat, left or right.  We have extremists in the world that want to disrupt our peace and i hope that we can work to heal the divides that exist. no matter what our party line is.  

In love.  

​Stacia