the lack of an empty nest is a thing.

most days i am ok with this.  well perhaps i should say many days.  But this is not an easy thing.  With many families watching there kids go off to new things.  flying away.  trying new things.  having new adventures.  I am feeling the reality that that is not our experience. 

 Tonight as both Kelly and I i came home tired and realized dinner had to be made, Lucas was hungry and ornry  and i did not feel that i had what I needed, it hit me.  The reality that i do not and will likely never have an empty next.  That my friend, is a  big deal...

Most days I gracefully accept the fact that we will not have an empty nest . somedays i celebrate it.  and some days i feel pain about it like today.   Several couples came in today celebrating the fact that their nest is empty.   Oh the adventures and freedom that they see.  

Deep down , despite my love for my child,  I long for an empty next .  Then i think of those who wanted children and could not have them.  Those who feel lonely. Those who lack for purpose and those that lost their loves.   

I am a gypsy and by nature and by nature i live for freedom.  But then the reality of life presents itself.  This is my life.  my beloved son Lucas cannot be independent.  

somedays this breaks my heart.  somedays i accept it without question.  somedays I celebrate it. 

This is my life. One that I will treasure.  





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