I am feeling the need to write about my experience recently and where do I/ We go from here?
I do not have answers. I will start with last night. It was thursday night, a gorgeous day and I came home feeling so down.
I was paralyzed with feelings of boredom, sadness, hopelessness. I was restless and Kelly gave me a back rub so i could fall asleep. i painted the ugliest watercolor i have every painted lol. I thought I have felt this way, but it is not often. The weight of the world overwhelmed me.
I went to bed asking Kelly to help me wake up for 6 am yoga. He did and I did. It is highly unsual but I had to force myself through yoga. And it was. a great class but the whole time my mind was saying " it is only an hour, you can do this and the entire time i was waiting for the end. That is not typical. And I was glad I went.
I then went to work ready to get through the day to Friday afternoon. I have been thinking that I am burned out on working .
But i started my day and the give and take and human interaction and feeling the ability to concisely listen and offer and help and be appreciated that i experienced today was profound. I feel like every patient I saw was a give and take that we both benefited from. I totally wanted the day to get over so that I could have a free weekend but i was a remarkably great day.
My cup was filled not emptied. At home on this gorgeous April evening that feels like summer... Kelly sealed the exterior of the garden beds and i filled 1/2 a bed with soil. That is some oblique work! I am so excited to plant and just be in my own personal palace for the weekend.
It is interesting to me how what i am experiencing is a roller coaster . I feel like we have to find the things that fill our cup. By the way . Love on the spectrum on netflix has been filling my cup a bit.
It is a fight on every level. It is nice to get glimpses of what really matters. it is important to tend to our grief and our joy. What a hard thing to do.
I suspect that in the next two weeks or so the pantings may take a little bit of a back seat to the planting of the dahlias. but please stay tuned. thoughts on your experiences?
It has been a very long time since i sent out a blog. I have been considering giving up my website. It is so out of date but i love it and getting it up to date with all the new paintings that have never been placed is daunting.
i was going to let it go but then was inspired to write this blog post. My blog is 11 years old and many years was monthly. i do not want to lose that. suggestions?
xo
stacia
I do not have answers. I will start with last night. It was thursday night, a gorgeous day and I came home feeling so down.
I was paralyzed with feelings of boredom, sadness, hopelessness. I was restless and Kelly gave me a back rub so i could fall asleep. i painted the ugliest watercolor i have every painted lol. I thought I have felt this way, but it is not often. The weight of the world overwhelmed me.
I went to bed asking Kelly to help me wake up for 6 am yoga. He did and I did. It is highly unsual but I had to force myself through yoga. And it was. a great class but the whole time my mind was saying " it is only an hour, you can do this and the entire time i was waiting for the end. That is not typical. And I was glad I went.
I then went to work ready to get through the day to Friday afternoon. I have been thinking that I am burned out on working .
But i started my day and the give and take and human interaction and feeling the ability to concisely listen and offer and help and be appreciated that i experienced today was profound. I feel like every patient I saw was a give and take that we both benefited from. I totally wanted the day to get over so that I could have a free weekend but i was a remarkably great day.
My cup was filled not emptied. At home on this gorgeous April evening that feels like summer... Kelly sealed the exterior of the garden beds and i filled 1/2 a bed with soil. That is some oblique work! I am so excited to plant and just be in my own personal palace for the weekend.
It is interesting to me how what i am experiencing is a roller coaster . I feel like we have to find the things that fill our cup. By the way . Love on the spectrum on netflix has been filling my cup a bit.
It is a fight on every level. It is nice to get glimpses of what really matters. it is important to tend to our grief and our joy. What a hard thing to do.
I suspect that in the next two weeks or so the pantings may take a little bit of a back seat to the planting of the dahlias. but please stay tuned. thoughts on your experiences?
It has been a very long time since i sent out a blog. I have been considering giving up my website. It is so out of date but i love it and getting it up to date with all the new paintings that have never been placed is daunting.
i was going to let it go but then was inspired to write this blog post. My blog is 11 years old and many years was monthly. i do not want to lose that. suggestions?
xo
stacia
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